Urbana, 16,000, and Stage Nerves

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urbana-stage

During the weeks leading up to Urbana, I fielded a lot of questions about how I was feeling. I was feeling a lot of things, but for the majority of those conversations the number “16,000″ was at the forefront of my mind:

  • 16,000 other people descending on the city of St. Louis for a week
  • 16,000 other people crammed into one (massive) building for most of the week
  • 16,000 other people experiencing the same growth and challenges
  • 16,000 voices singing the same songs of worship to the Lord

And, embarrassingly, the most present in my mind, 16,000 pairs of eyes watching the worship team on stage (or, hopefully, not watching). Ten times the size of the largest crowd I’d ever played in front of.

The camera doesn’t lie

Despite the fact that we added some new songs to our repertoire less than two months before Urbana, I wasn’t nervous about playing poorly. I wasn’t even as nervous as I expected about being on a stage in front of that many people. Once you have more than one or two thousand people, those in the back are so far away that adding more doesn’t add the immediate pressure of anyone else looking at you; they’re so far away you’re just a tiny figure in the distance anyway.

That is, until you bring in the cameras. And that’s where my greatest terror lay: camera operators zooming in on us when we’re unaware, catching missed notes, missed cues, and weird facial expressions, and broadcasting them to massive screens and recording them forever.

Slow outward breaths

On the first night I shared my fear with Shedrach, an experienced performer and worship leader who’s led his group in front of 30,000 people, and he gave me a few breathing exercises that he’s used in the past. On my way to dinner and then to the pre-session prayer I tried out the exercises and fought to talk myself down from my nerves.

But by the halfway point of the prayer time, my heart was in my throat and I was having trouble breathing. Nothing I could do, mentally or physically, would make it go away. I was frantic; if it kept up like this I’d pass out before I even reached the stage.

A different target

And then something happened. I realized–and by realized I mean “was suddenly, inexplicably struck by the clear fact” (a.k.a. “heard from the Lord”)–that I was nervous about playing the right notes and doing the right things. Maybe it was for the right reasons, but these were not the end goals I should focus on. And just like that, my vision was redirected to my actual task: to lead Urbana delegates (they call them delegates instead of participants) to worship, and to do so by modeling worship. This I could do! And even if I messed up a note, I didn’t need to be nervous about messing up worshiping.

The weight was lifted. I could breathe, and I felt peace where the tension had been before. The energy that had until then been choking me became a joyful energy, and I felt free and ready to join in worship.

That’s how I entered my first session, and most of the remaining sessions: free, at peace and full of joy, and ready to worship.

When I shared this with Tereva later in the day, she responded with joy: “That’s word-for-word what I was praying for you!” She knew even better than I did: playing in front of a crowd of 16,000 people is a chance for my ego to grow 16 sizes, or a chance for me to renew my focus, to see it become sharp and refined. Thank God for providing the second opportunity, because I have enough ego as it is.

Growing, but not just as a musician

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A lot of people–especially folks not used to big Christian conferences–give me a blank look when I say I’m going to be the bassist at a big conference. Why does a conference need a bassist? What’s the role of the music team? Answering these questions has helped me consider what we’ve actually been doing over the last year of preparation.

I’ve always wondered what the selection process is like to be on the Urbana worship team. If you don’t know, Urbana is a conference that InterVarsity hosts every three years, and it’s the largest missions conference in the world. Its attendance runs from 15,000 to 20,000 people, and with an event that large the selection process for any role is pretty intense. So, I figured they’d get the absolute best musicians from every network they’re connected to.

As I filled out the application to play bass on the worship team, I started to see there was a different set of criteria than I expected for this job. The application reminded me of my InterVarsity staff application: several pages long, and asking every sort of question about my worship leading experience, cross cultural friendships, and more.

I quickly realized that the priority here is to find mature worship leaders. Sure, they were also looking for musicians who could potentially play at this large of a scale; but spiritual maturity and worship leadership were two of the most important traits in the selection process.

Those priorities haven’t changed in our year together. The majority of our gathering time focuses on conversations about worship leading, ethnicities and cultures, cross-cultural interaction, Bible study, theologies of worship, and team building. Again, we do practice the music; but that’s clearly not the focus of what we’re doing.

So, as we approach Urbana, we’re not intending to go play incredible music. We’re intending to lead people to Jesus; to help them understand and celebrate the cultures of others, and to understand and celebrate their own cultures as well–all in the context of God’s work and calling on their lives. We intend to point their gazes toward the LORD who made them Chinese, or Latin, or Caribbean, or Midwestern White, or Malayali, or anything else.

Hopefully, while we’re at it, we’ll play some incredible music that doesn’t distract–whether with face-melting guitar solos or ear-rending mistakes–but instead draws people in and glorifies God.

New Connections: Urbana and Hip Hop

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Urbana, the world’s largest missions convention, is coming up in 29 days. Very soon, I’ll be standing on that stage up there with my bass, a group of my closest friends, and a little case of stage fright. You can follow my adventures at urbanamatt.tumblr.com.

But, this post isn’t about me. It’s about something else I’m passionate about: connecting Urbana and InterVarsity with the people who are on the front lines in multiethnicity, racial reconciliation, and justice. In a lot of ways Urbana is that front line, which is another reason why I want to connect Urbana with other folks at the forefront of this work.

There’s a group of influential Christians in the U.S. that are doing this work, but to whom Urbana almost no connection: rappers (hip hop artists), especially those with a heart for justice and reconciliation. These folks are in the same line of business we’re in (in so many words), and yet most of those I’ve contacted about this have said, “What’s Urbana?”

I’m trying to change that. I’ve started by contacting a few rappers who share our values and with whom I’ve had some sort of connection in the past, and asking them to consider attending Urbana.

Check out some of these videos to get a sense for Christian rappers’ work and influence:

Propaganda’s Excellent  |  Andy Mineo’s Fool’s Gold  |  Sho Baraka’s Get Wise  |  Kareem Manuel’s Open Your Eyes
(this is not an endorsement that these specific artists will or will not be attending Urbana, just a sampling of the genre)

But there’s one catch: I’m asking them now, with Urbana only a month away (I should’ve asked earlier, but didn’t feel free to before), and the cost is prohibitively high. They haven’t had the time to set aside money over the past year, and they don’t have the history of trust with Urbana to know that it’s even worth the high cost in the first place. And when I say rappers and I say “setting aside money”, I’m not talking about T-Pain and Kanye setting aside a few hundred dollars of their massive fortunes. These rappers are hard-working Christian artists, often working multiple jobs, and the financial burden of a conference like this can seem overwhelming.

So, here it comes: Would you help bring these cultural influencers, Christians who would both benefit from attending Urbana and influence/shape/promote Urbana, to Urbana this year? If that’s something you want to help with, please visit InterVarsity’s donate page and direct your gift to “National BCM Scholarships.” We can’t guarantee your gift will go to a particular person for legal reasons, but any money you give here will go toward bringing Christian rappers to Urbana. (Note: it would help me if you emailed me when you did this so I could calculate totals more quickly and effectively. Leave a comment below if you need my email address.)

Thank you for your time and your consideration! Whether or not you give financially, please pray for the LORD’s grace in finding these finances, in the rappers’ potential sacrifice (that’s 6 days away from family and during which they can’t book shows), and for the potential partnerships that might come out of this.

Developing a Communications Strategy

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(This is a snippet from a prayer letter. Want to learn more? Sign up to receive my prayer letters here.)

As the Multiethnic Ministries department starts the next 5-year leg of our journey, and as we begin to have a real communications team for the first time, we’re working on developing our strategy: what are we doing? Why? How? With whom?

In the “What is it that you do” section of my web site, I wrote the following:

If I do my job well, the amazing resources of our department will make it to as many people as possible; our staff and students will grow in their cross-cultural competency and ethnic self-awareness; and conversations and relationships will develop around the topics of ethnicity, multiethnicity, and reconciliation.

That’s the goal.

Here’s the the “how” of that goal, as it pertains to my work:

As the communications coordinator I work (and oversee work by other staff) in writing, editing, promotion, advertising, social media, email campaigns, resource creation, and more. My job is to connect people to the work we’re doing, and connect them to each other in conversation about that work.

As we work to develop a communications strategy, we’re figuring out how we, as communicators, can further the ministry of InterVarsity’s Multiethnic Ministries department and invite more and more staff and students into the work and conversation we’re having there.

A Brief Thank You…

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(This is a snippet from a prayer letter. Want to learn more? Sign up to receive my prayer letters here.)

My supervisor, Maureen Huang, is the Communications and Resource Development Manager for InterVarsity’s Multiethnic Ministries department, and wrote this for you:

Thank you for partnering with Matt in his ministry with InterVarsity!

As Matt’s supervisor, I want to thank you for your investment in Matt and his ministry with InterVarsity.  His work is critical to what we do.  Our vision is to see students and faculty transformed, campuses renewed and world changers developed through the gospel.  In our increasingly technology-connected world, we have the unique opportunity to connect with others and proclaim the gospel in new ways – facebook, twitter, other social media platforms, the possibilities seem almost endless.

Yet for many ministers unfamiliar with these technologies, opportunities can be missed. Even more, without using these technologies, some ministers will be unable to effectively communicate to this present generation.  Thus, we are so grateful for Matt and the skills that he brings to InterVarsity, particularly with regards to communication and technology.  He is enabling us to expand our ministry and increase our impact for Christ with today’s youth.  Most recently, Matt helped us expand our audience, virtually, for Multiethnic Staff Conference through the use of technology.  In fact, some are now investigating the possibility of doing something similar at the Urbana Missions Convention.  His contributions have enabled us to go beyond what we could have done without him.  I can only begin to imagine what the future could hold!  Thank you again for your partnership and please know that the kingdom work of which you and Matt are a part, is laying a critical foundation for effective ministry both now and the future.

Next Steps

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(This is a snippet from a prayer letter. Want to learn more? Sign up to receive my prayer letters here.)

I’ve mentioned that my role up until this point was primarily focused on MESC12. But now that it’s over, what’s next?

Well, we’re still working on that. But here are a few things we know for sure:

  • I’ll be working with the Multiethnic Ministries Leadership Team to develop a strategy for social media for the department. But this isn’t just geek talk (although that’s surely a part of it); rather, it’ll involve learning to understand how we can partner in ministry with other groups that aren’t in the same physical location as us, how we can resource staff around the country, and how we can develop a community of likeminded people through social media.
  • I’ll be helping develop resources for campus staff and students. One of my great passions is taking the amazing resources that exist across our movement and finding ways to make them available to the rest of the movement. That’s why I started Staffhacker, and now I have the opportunity to do that with some of our racial reconciliation-related resources.
  • I’ll be working with staff at many different stages in their journey. I have the opportunity to work with IV staff (and people outside of IV) who are veterans of the racial reconciliation conversation, deep thinkers, pastors, leaders, philosophers, and overall incredible human beings; I also have the opportunity to work with staff and students who don’t even know what the phrase “racial reconciliation” means (who are also overall incredible human beings :)  ). I love this! I can learn from those with more wisdom than me, but share what I’ve learned with others; also, I’m not just hiding in an enclave of people who think like me, but being given the opportunity to interact and share and develop relationships from people all across the theological and philosophical spectrum.

MESC12 Followup

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(This is a snippet from a prayer letter. Want to learn more? Sign up to receive my prayer letters here.)

Thank you so much for your prayers and concern about the Multiethnic Staff Conference and our Virtual attendance program. The conference was incredible–from the preaching and exposition from Acts, to the prophetic voices speaking to our movement, to a continued exhortation to understand and meet our students in their contexts.

A few statistics:

  • 125 staff registered to attend the entire conference virtually
  • 204 unique viewers watching a total of 138 hours of live content
  • 20 videos, including sessions, video blogs, and virtual host recap videos
  • 1,549 video plays of the recorded videos (so far–the numbers keep growing!)
  • 1,332 tweets (short little bursts of text about the conference on Twitter)

And a few quotes:

  • From a special guest from another organization: “[Our] Diversity Journey has once again been impacted by the transparent example of InterVarsity. I’ve collected some great new ideas […] including some unexpected insights into the power of manuscript Bible study in a diverse community[… P]ersonally, I was stretched and affirmed and challenged and admonished…and I head back [home] tonight with a renewed commitment and vision for what we must keep at.”
  • Special guest from Canada: “I left encouraged […] and was enriched by the depth of the wrestling of pertinent issues. There were some significant prophetic echoes heard in this gathering. Be assured that this gathering’s impact will continued to be a catalyst in re-charting the course of the InterVarsity movement.”
  • Virtually attending staff: “It was great. I am thankful for that opportunity to participate in this way even when attending wasn’t a possibility for me.”
  • InterVarsity leader from outside the Multiethnic Ministries Department: “As I sat with many of our national staff in Long Beach, I was struck by the engagement of the group with those not physically present. The emphasis was not on the golly-gee technology of streaming video or projected tweets of prayer. The emphasis was on welcoming, hosting, loving, caring and partnering.  The ME staff seem to “get” virtual ministry. There is a lot to VM, but the emphases on relationship and channels of communication are most important.”

The virtual attendance, video, & social media team:

  • Maureen Huang, Jenn Ikoma-Motzko, Michael Motzko, Barney Lin, and 2100‘s David Hui, Laura Li, Glenn Griffin, and Steve Falk

Thank you for your support–you helped make this happen! Your support enabled each of those statistics to become reality, each of those experiences to come to fruition.

On Morgan Freeman and “Just stop talking about it.”

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Once again, there’s a video that’s been making the rounds and I’ve found myself making the same response to it every time. I think it’s time to get my thoughts together in one place, and here it is. Before I start, here’s the video in question; it’s a clip of Morgan Freeman talking about his thoughts on Black History Month and talking about race.

I want to break this up into a few sections.

Black History Month

For starters, I want to acknowledge that I get where Freeman’s coming from. The ideal world is one in which Black History Month is unnecessary, the history of Black Americans so well integrated into the fabric and curriculums of the US that the idea of relegating it to a month seems ridiculous. I think Freeman and I share this desire.

The question, then, is how we go about achieving our goal. Is it canceling the institution of Black History Month and just hoping everything will just get better on its own? Or is it passionately campaigning for the inclusion of Black history in all the places it’s missing until Black History Month seems absurd?

The desire to see Black History Month gone now communicates that you think the world is either A) doing just fine as it is right now or B) at least headed in a good enough direction that we can trust it’ll get there soon enough. If you don’t, then your desire must be for Black History Month to be unnecessary in the future and then work for that future.

“Stop Talking About It”

I’ll be honest; I understand it feels great to hear Morgan Freeman–a famous Black person–say “let’s just stop talking about racism.” There are quite a few reasons for this.

First, it’s such a wonderfully simple answer. Do you mean that, simply by no longer talking about racism, it’ll go away? I’m not sure whether the uploader of this video intended the title to be ironic (although 1.2 million thumbs up suggests its viewers don’t take it ironically), but “Morgan Freeman solves the race problem”, the YouTube clip title, does seem to be how this video is usually proposed.

Second, it makes us feel comfortable for the answer to be to just ignore it. I know I’m not the only White person who often feels a little uncomfortable when we’re talking about race–like I’m not quite welcome, like I don’t understand the language, like I walked into a previously running conversation and nobody’s bringing me up to speed. If someone–an insider, nonetheless–tells me that the conversation is over, that makes me a lot more comfortable than someone telling me I have to stick it out and figure it out.

However, we’re running into the same situation as the previous point: we have to agree that either A) the world is fine as is or B) the world is doing well enough that it’ll just right itself on its own, without discussion. In a previous conversation I had about this, someone suggested that it’s unnecessary for race to be talked about so much, because “it may not even be a thought for most people on a daily basis.”

Here, I’ll have to step outside of my attempt at an un-biased approach and simply state: This is not the truth. The world is not fine. The world is not doing well enough on its own. And race is only easy to ignore if you’re White.

Bam. I said it. The concept of being able to just ignore race is a luxury particular to White people. (Since there are a lot of White people in the US, please know that I’m talking the majority here; I’m very aware that there are exceptions to this description.) We’ve spent our lives comfortably unaware of many of the racial dynamics at play in the US, and enjoyed being the recipients of race-based privilege that carries along with it a blanket hiding many of the experiences of people of color around us.

Racism and racialization are not gone.

Of course, the Trayvon Martin case is in the news right now. But that’s something that’s currently an issue of contention (although it’s very interesting to note the racial makeup of the different “sides” to the debate… take a look at that some time), and I’d rather work with something that has no contention.

Here are a few statistics to frame the conversation:

  • The average net worth of White Americans ($113,000) is 20 times the average net worth of Black Americans ($5,600) and 18 times the average net worth of Hispanics ($6,325). (source)
  • College-educated Black mothers have higher infant mortality rates than White mothers who dropped out of high school. (source)
  • Black Americans represent 13% of drug users (paralleling the national racial demographic), but they account for 35% of drug arrests, 55% of convictions, and 74% of those sent to prison on drug possession charges. (source)
  • More African Americans are under correctional control today (prison, jail, probation, or parole) than were enslaved in 1850. (source)

Statistics come from, and are given more context in, this post and this post.

There are so many more elements to this conversation–education, hiring, health care, beauty standards, and much more–but this is a place to start. There is a problem, and it is very large, and simply not talking about it is not going to make it go away.

Also: this conversation extends to other people of color, too, but Black people are the most hard hit by the effects of racialization in the US.

Our Response To This Video

I know this has been long. I want to write pages more, but let’s just end it here: As White people (and as people in general), we need to step outside of our place of comfort and be loving, compassionate advocates for people who are treated unjustly. As Christians we find it very easy to have compassion and fight for justice for oppressed people outside of the US, but somehow struggle to fight for justice within the US. Again, there are a lot of reasons behind that, but let’s just start with this: rather than being the ones trying to shush the race conversations, Christians–White American Christians in particular–should be the ones who push outside of our comfort zones and stand alongside our sisters and brothers of color. We should be the ones who are willing to examine ways we might have personally benefitted from systems of injustice, and we should be the ones who learn to listen to people of color rather than always demanding to be heard.

My vision is that, when people of color in the US (Christian and non-Christian alike) think with pain about the past and present oppression of their people, and the many rifts between people along racial lines, they would see White Christians as humble, loving allies who stand up for them when no one else will, who build bridges to places of power and influence, and who, like many White folks during the Civil Rights Era, march with them to the world where we don’t, indeed, need a Black History Month.

How do we talk about race, ethnicity, and justice–with love?

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I’ve been posting a lot of a articles to my Facebook about race & ethnicity recently. A few (disclaimer: I don’t agree with 100% of everything in every link or quote I post. I post things because I want people to read/watch them.)

These have brought up some amazing conversations, and one conversation I’ve participated in today is about love. A friend pointed out that the first article, “Joseph Kony is famous. Trayvon Martin is not.” had a negative tone in some areas. We worked back and forth on it, discussing how the quotation marks the author put around the phrase “giving voices” wasn’t derogatory to the filmmakers, but instead an important nod to the discussion surrounding the “white savior” issue of foreign missions and race conversations.

But in the end, his point stood: many conversations about race become negative. Many race pundits, out of pain, frustration, or whatever else, develop an aggressively negative stance toward everything. Not this author, necessarily, but in general.

My friend pointed to Martin Luther King, Jr. as an example of how to deal with race, ethnicity, oppression, and justice in love. We have to approach each conversation, criticism, complaint, concern, and confrontation (all the letter C!) with love. And this reminded me of an article I posted a few days ago that wasn’t about race, but in hindsight fits perfectly into this conversation: Leading with Love, a mini-biography about Billy Graham’s consistent focus on love.

This conversation, and the inspiration of Graham and King, has led me to strongly desire to show as much of a consistent attitude and application of love as Graham and King did. Do you have any tips for me? Would you hold me accountable?

Why are we pushing Virtual Attendance so much for MESC12?

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Regular readers, this is a post written for InterVarsity staff.

InterVarsity staff, you might’ve seen (or worse, been completely unaware of) the torrent of Facebook posts, videos, and InterVarsity Update mentions about Multiethnic Staff Conference ’12 Virtual Attendance. But there’s a good chance you don’t know why it really matters. We, the communications team of the Multiethnic Ministries Department, wanted to communicate a few reasons why this is so significant:

  1. The Multiethnic Staff Conference and the matters discussed there is important for everyone on InterVarsity staff. Multiethnicity and racial reconciliation are not just important for staff of color; they’re values of our national movement and conversations we all need to enter. We strongly desire for every InterVarsity staffmember to be a vital part of this important conversation.
  2. However, in the past, only a small percentage of staff could attend. This year we’re trying to change that by opening conference attendance up to everyone through virtual attendance. This isn’t just us saying “Hey, here are a few nice videos to watch if you’re bored, because, you know, staff have so much free time.” Instead, we’re working hard to get every InterVarsity staffmember to join us and participate as much as possible, whether or not they can attend physically.
  3. This is a new step into the world of virtual ministry. We as a movement must be proficient in the language and techniques of social media, online communication, and virtual ministry. This is an opportunity for our entire movement to learn and grow in our effectiveness in using current technology in ministry, and your participation (and subsequent feedback!) will benefit us and hopefully you as well.

I hope this makes it a little more clear exactly why we’ve been pushing so hard to promote virtual attendance. So, now that you understand why we’ve been pushing it, would you consider registering today? You don’t even have to attend the entire conference if your schedule won’t allow it–but register today to see a schedule and to receive access to all of the videos and downloads. One note: make sure to run this by your supervisor to clear any time you’ll be taking off from your normal staff duties.